Glow Read online

  “What have I done?” I sobbed as I sat at the dining room table. The smell of breakfast still lightly lingering making this much harder than it should be. I fully admit, I jumped the gun on this whole argument. But to be honest, like I said before, he was growing on me.

  After the nice things he did for me today, I felt my heart swelling with bliss and I freaked out. Last night is a night I will never forget, no matter how horrible it was for him.

  Regardless of Ben showing me today that there is happiness out in this cold world, I still needed to take it slow… one day at a time. I have to look out for me and I know that being with Ben is definitely not good for me. He is a player and he uses woman to get what he wants. I don’t want to end up the way my readers end up; hearts broken, gaining five-ten pounds from eating pints of ice cream while watching The Notebook.

  “I am just like them,” I sobbed, dropping my head onto the dining room table crying harder.

  I caused this upon myself… I know. It’s for the better, you will see.

  ~

  One week later…

  “You look like hell, Vanessa.” Maria said as she entered my office.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled with my head down on my desk. “a lot,”

  “Why don’t you just call him?” she sighed plopping down into one of my chairs.

  I sat up and blew a puff of air to wisp the bangs from my eyes. “It’s been a week, Maria. He hasn’t tried to text, call or email me,” I frowned. “I was seriously rude and besides, it was for the best. He is a player.”

  “Act like you know,” she whistled nonchalantly.

  “Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?” I asked her quizzically.

  “I didn’t say anything,” she shrugged.

  I stood up and walked over to an extremely nervous Maria. “Oh, yes you did. Now spill it,” I leaned against my desk and crossed my arms. “What exactly did the two of you do or talk about when you hung out?”

  Beep...

  “Miss Monetello?” Ellen on the intercom.

  I rushed to the other side of my desk and quickly pushed the button. “Yes, Ellen?” I answered.

  “I want to let you know that I am pleased with the updates you have been giving me throughout the week. Very impressive,” her tone was unnaturally pleasant.

  “Thank you, Mrs. McGurthy,” I looked at Maria with a shocked expression.

  “When are you seeing Jordan again?” Ellen asked.

  “Tonight, actually. He invited me for dinner.” I placed my chin on my hand as I watch Maria escape out the door of my office. Traitor…I glared at the closed door.

  “Fabulous. Let me know how it goes,” she chirped. “Oh, and Vanessa?”

  “Yes, Ellen?” I sighed.

  “Have you talked to my nephew? He refuses to return my calls for the last several days,” I could hear the slight concern in her voice and it made me nervous.

  “Oh-uh,” I bit my lip. “Yes, of course I have and I assure you he has just been extremely busy with teaching me all of these ‘player codes’,” I laughed.

  I lied! I cannot believe I just lied to Ellen McGurthy!

  “Very well, then,” she sighed. “Let him know you are making remarkable progress and to keep up the good work,”

  “Will do,” I wished I could.

  “That is all.” she disconnected.

  “Maria!” I yelled from my desk. I am so not done with her…

  Chapter Nine: Swing, Swing, Swing

  Ben

  It's been a week since I have seen, let alone spoken to Vanessa; no text, not even an email. It's not that I don't care, I do. I guess I just still felt awful for what I had said to her that night. I was hurt. I was torn that after everything from the night we slept together, the breakfast I had made for her, to our day at Union Square she had said what she did to me. I can't say that I blame her for thinking I was trying to prove her wrong, but we all know that I wasn't. To be honest, she is the best I have ever had. Even if we had never slept together, the night we played 'Touch-o-War' all night was one of the best nights of my life. No woman in my past or future will ever compare to Vanessa with how perfect she is in so many ways.

  After our blow out the other night, I had thought about calling my Aunt Ellen letting her know that I messed this whole thing up. But I couldn't ruin it for Vanessa. It's important to her and her career. I figure the best thing would be for me to just avoid my aunt and let Vanessa deal with it all in the way that she feels is best. I at least owe her that much with all the emotional stress I have caused upon her.

  Now, I need to get something off my chest; I've cried twice in the last week. Sitting there alone in my dark house by myself, all I can do is think about Vanessa and the look in her eyes as she cried. I guess my tears are more out of anger towards myself than anything. I can't stand the thought that I hurt her. As I cried, my internal thoughts were screaming at me for not letting her know how I truly feel. It wasn't the right time...

  “Ooh, Clueless!” Belinda smiled as she picked up the DVD case from the shelf handing it to me. “Can we get it?”

  “Ah, I think not,” I stared at the girl on the cover in her skimpy skirt looking dense as hell. I tossed it back on the shelf. Belinda frowned and kept walking

  .

  Belinda of all people. I know, I know... Why? I have no reason other than trying to get Vanessa off of my mind.

  “How about this one?” I handed her Old School.

  She stared at the cover. “Ewe, it's full of old guys,” she wrinkled her nose throwing it on the shelf. I rolled my eyes.

  “How about this one?” she reached in arms length picking up a pink DVD case.

  “Legally Blonde?” Oh my God, why?

  “Yeah,” she grinned.

  I gave up. Screw it. “Sure,”

  “Really? Yay!” she shrilled walking behind me towards the register.

  We got to the checkout just to stand in a line of about six people. I placed my hands in my jeans pockets, looking around when my heart sank. I stared at the teddy bear sitting on the couch with Mark Wahlberg. Ted; the movie I watched with Vanessa. I swallowed hard as I felt the knot in my throat swell again. I blinked two, three, four times. I won't cry for a third time, I won't.

  “Ben, Ben, Ben!” Belinda said excitedly from next to me.

  “Yeah,” I said a little more rudely than I should have. I tore my eyes away from the DVD.

  “Can I ask you a question?” she batted her fake lashes at me.

  Well, you didn't give me much of a choice there did you, sweet cheeks? You just asked me one.

  I sighed, “Yup,”

  I could only imagine what is was that was going to come out of her mouth next.

  “Does the total time on the back of this movie include the previews, features, and credits? Or is it just the movie?”

  “Just the movie,” I clenched my teeth.

  All the time I had been around Belinda between the sheets, I have never really talked to her much. I actually wondered why sometimes... then she speaks.

  “I have a headache,” she pouted like a five year old.

  “I have ibuprofen in my medicine cabinet above the sink in my bathroom,” I tell her as I faked interest in this ridiculous movie. How dare I think that orange is the new pink. Reese is right, I am totally disturbed.

  Belinda got up with a sigh and made her way into my bathroom. I could hear the creak of the cabinet opening.

  “Ben?” she hollered.

  “Yes, Belinda,” I rolled my eyes. She was seriously getting on my nerves.

  “Why is it adults have a harder time opening childproof caps?”

  “Match the arrows!” I yelled flinching at the sound of irritation in my voice.

  “If the label says 'do not use if seal is broken' then how are you supposed to use it after you open it?”

  So God help me, I am about to strangle her...

  Vanessa

  “This is considered kidnapping,” Maria grunted as she w
iggled her wrists wrapped in duct tape. Her ankles were bound to the legs of one of my dining room chairs with a pair of my pantyhose.

  “No, not really. You got in my car and came over willingly,” I reminded her as I paced in front of her.

  “I swore to secrecy. I can't tell you anything,” she whined.

  “Then you sit there until you decide you can.” I walked towards my bedroom, stopping in the hallway.

  “I'm not saying anything!” she yelled.

  “Oh, yes you will.” I mumbled under my breath with a mischievous smile as I walked the rest of the way to my room.

  I had said that I wasn't done with her yet, and I meant every word. When I ended the intercom call with Ellen, Maria came back into my office. The fidgeting of her fingers told me that she knew she was screwed. I have worked with her for a few years and I know when she is keeping something from me. Like the time when I had asked her if it were low-fat or fat free milk in my coffee;

  “Oh-um, fat free?” she fidgeted her fingers.

  Earlier when she was standing in my office biting her lip, feet turned inward, eye brows furrowed and oh, is that sweat on her forehead? I then knew that she was keeping something from me.

  So now here we are in my dining room.

  “No, please,” she begged, her eyes closed shaking her head from side to side vigorously.

  “It's pink chiffon even,” I said sweetly as I pointed to the bride with a cheesy grin like it's a happy freaking day.

  “Please stop,” Maria cried as I dangled the Brides Day magazine in front of her.

  “Not until you tell me,” I said flipping the pages.

  “I'm not saying anything, Vanessa. I can't! Please!” she closed her eyes tightly and wrinkled her nose up in disgust.

  I tossed the magazine to the floor. Next approach, alcohol. I smiled.

  A bottle of wine and over an hour later...

  “So, ever since then when I see a mushroom I kind of get anxiety.” she slurred.

  “Can I get another sip?” she smiled groggily.

  “Oh, another sip? Of course,” I held the wine glass to her lips.

  “I mean, don't get me wrong, mushrooms are good but when a guy leaves that kind of impression on your head,” she laughed.

  “I know what you mean,” I sighed. “The lasting impression Ben had on me-”

  “Ben loves you, Vanessa,” she gasped.

  “What?” I leaned in closer.

  “I didn't say anything!” Maria shook her head so fast that I thought she might vomit on herself.

  “Another sip?” she smiled. I played stupid and gave her another drink.

  “So, anyways, where were we-” I set the glass back down.

  “Ben!” she interrupted again. “The player thing was all his idea!”

  “Maria-” I tried to slow her down but she just kept talking and talking and talking.

  “He's been in love with you since you were little. He moved to Chicago and couldn't stop thinking about you.” she took a humongous-deep breath in and continued to speaking quickly. “He called Ellen, set up this whole article to be around you, he loves you... and yeah,”

  Whoa! What?! I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, so I snapped it shut.

  “Oh, God... see? I didn't want to tell you, Vanessa! Geez!” she cried out.

  “But, my weakness is alcohol and you just had to go and give it to me.” she dropped her chin to her chest in defeat.

  “I don't- um,” I was speechless as I wasn't expecting any of that.

  “Let me start from the beginning so you understand?” she smiled seeing that I was baffled.

  “Please,” I nodded, my eyes wide.

  “Okay.” Maria paused for a moment then continued. “So, the night we left Estrada's early and you stayed with Jordan...”

  Ben McGurthy is in love with me?

  Ben

  Three-quarters into this ridiculous movie, Belinda has not shut up. Every scene she asked the most moronic questions and my head was pounding. I looked over at her as she stared bewildered at the flat screen; her head tilted, brows furrowed, and her lips pursed.

  Three... two... one...

  “In court, why do they even bother to ask you to swear to tell the truth? I mean, it's not like if you're planning to lie you will just, like, let them know it.” she huffed.

  I groaned. “That is why, Belinda, they make you place your hand on the Bible and swear under oath. Then if you lie, you are held in contempt of court,” I rubbed my temples with my eyes closed.

  “Why would they hold you in contempt if they have jail cells?” she held her hand out towards the flat screen.

  “What hospital is it you work at again?” I needed to make a mental note never to be seen there. I would wear a medical bracelet stating I refused health care at that facility.

  “Why? You want to surprise me while I'm at work don't you?” she cooed pinching my cheek.

  “Something like that,” I sighed as I stood up. “Well, I'm calling it a day, I am exhausted.”

  “Why are you calling it a day? It's night time,”

  I was about to rage. I couldn't take this anymore.

  “Did you finish elementary school?” I turned around. “No, wait. Did you even go to school?”

  “Yeah, silly. Why?” she smiled twirling her finger in her curls completely oblivious to my questions.

  “It's just you-” I stopped and ran my fingers through my hair out of pure frustration. I needed to stop, take a breath and re-think my words through before I said something to hurt her. For shit sakes, I can't help it.

  “Belinda...look. You think Taco Bell is a phone company. You went to the dentist for a Bluetooth. I mean, you will stare at orange and apple juice cartons for hours because it says concentrate on the front.”

  “Right,” she was still smiling. “You do that, too. Don't you, Ben?”

  A growl erupted from my throat. “Just, this isn't going to work,” I dropped my hands to my sides.

  “I know, silly. Work for me is at the hospital, not here.” she rolled her eyes then smiled at me.

  I lost it walking over to her grabbing her gently by the hands helping her off of my couch. I stood behind her with my hands on her back, moving her along towards the front door.

  “Oh, a surprise? Should I close my eyes?” she giggled.

  “Nope, not a surprise,” I gave her a light shove through the door and slammed it behind her.

  Knock, knock, knock. “Ben!” she sang.

  I paced the living room back and fourth with my fingers gripping at my blonde mess.

  Oh my God, go away! Please just go away... for the sake of my sanity.

  “Benny!” she whined.

  I took my fingers from my hair now biting my nails.

  Buzz... buzz.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket with the high hopes of it being Vanessa, it was Maria.

  “Yeah,” I sighed into the phone.

  “Ben! Thank God you answered. Vanessa knows everything,” she said frantically.

  “She what?” This is not happening. “You told her?”

  “Benny!” Knock, knock, knock.

  “Is that someone pounding on your door? Who is that?” Maria asked.

  “No one, Maria. You told her?” I sighed.

  “I didn't just tell her, okay? It involved some duct tape, pantyhose, and if I look at another pink chiffon wedding gown I will gouge my eyes out with my finger nails,” she hiccuped. Vanessa gave her alcohol, fantastic. “And if I even see another glass of Pinot I will vomit,”

  I couldn't help the laugh that escaped. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yes, but that's really not why I am calling you, Ben,” she slurred. “She is on her way to meet Jordan for dinner,”

  Jordan? She was meeting Jordan for dinner after knowing how I feel about her?

  “She doesn't care,” I said quietly staring at the flat screen as I plopped down onto the couch.

  “Yes she does. She is scared, Ben
. We are talking about Vanessa here,” Maria laughed. “The one person in this world who thought that love, relationships, and happiness do not exist.”